What if my partner doesn't want to come to counselling?

It takes two to tango, right?  So ideally if you want to improve your relationship, both individuals would work on it together.  But, that is ideal, and life isn't ideal.  So what can you do for your relationship if your partner doesn't want to come to counselling?

A few ideas:
1. Start with yourself: You can best serve the people you love by working on yourself.  We all have things about ourselves that need improvement, and by so doing we make our relationships better.  For example, if you tend to get easily triggered and as a result can't have difficult discussions with your partner, you can work on that (in counselling for yourself)  and become better regulated.  You learning to be less reactive can improve your relationship.

2.  Set up a meeting with a counsellor with the intent of seeing if it  would be a good fit for  you.  No commitment, no promises, just a introduction to how things would go and to get an idea if the counsellor is a good match.  No pressure.  Ask for a meeting and explain your situation.  Feel free to refuse services if it doesn't feel right for you.  Any counsellor  would be up for that, in fact, that is what the first session is about.

3. Find a different method of getting help: Maybe your partner would be more interested in talking to a family member, a member of clergy, or a relationship coach.  Find out if they would be more comfortable with something other than counselling.  Taking the first step towards getting counselling is often the most difficult step for people.  Also, some people are still uncomfortable with the word counselling or psychologist.  They might not know that counselling is for regular people with regular struggles.


NOTE: If you are experiencing abuse or harm (physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, mentally or otherwise) you may have to consider keeping yourself (and any children that are in harms way) safe first and addressing the relationship second.