Sun, 05 Apr 2026 04:05:16 -0700WeeblyTue, 17 Mar 2026 21:24:50 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/sex-adhd-and-marriageA few ideas top of mind regarding ADHD in couples.

In couples where one partner has ADHD, one of the most commonly reported reasons for a low frequency of sexual intimacy is lack of time. This is closely linked to the ADHD brain’s challenges with time management and what is often called “time blindness.”  By the time you are slowing down and settling down for the envening it's too late to initiate intimacy.

The good news is that improving time management and planning can lead to significant improvements in a couple’s sexual satisfaction. Research shows that a combination of ADHD medication and better organizational systems can greatly enhance sexual happiness. Importantly, these improvements often arise from stronger overall relationship satisfaction—when the relationship improves, sexual satisfaction usually follows. 

Effort is a key factor in the success of ADHD relationships. Not only does putting in effort lead to positive changes, but observing effort in one’s partner also increases acceptance and appreciation. This principle applies to both partners in the relationship.  For example, the ADHD partner may increase effort in using planners/timers/calendars in order to contribute meaningfully to the household tasks.  The other partner shows effort by allowing thier partner to take on tasks without then also complaining about how those tasks are done. 

Two truths:
1. You can't expect someone else to do a task AND expect them to do it your way.  
2. You can't expect the other person to do most of the work and then not complain about doing most of the work.

Which statement is applicable  to you?

If you'd like to explore this further, learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.


]]>Wed, 28 Jan 2026 20:00:11 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/amazingly-straightforward-advice-we-can-all-learn-fromHere is a link to an amazing video about marriage and how we often think about love and relationships in the wrong way.  

]]>Mon, 15 Dec 2025 22:36:29 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/cancel-culture-in-relationshipsCancel culture often creates tension in relationships by forcing people to take sides or cut others off when conflict arises. In the rush to cancel someone, we sometimes forget the integrity that meaningful relationships demand — empathy, honesty, and a willingness to work through disagreement. Instead of valuing the history and depth of the connection, we treat relationships as disposable, ending them at the first sign of imperfection. This reaction might feel righteous in the moment, but it undermines the trust and loyalty that real connection depends on. True integrity means standing by others long enough to understand, forgive, and help them grow — not walking away when it’s easiest.  Even if we decide not to continue in relationship, that termination can occur with integrity - value what the relationship was and treat that with respect.  

If you'd like to explore this further, learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.
]]>Mon, 24 Nov 2025 21:53:31 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/listening-do-you-know-howBack in the day, not sure how long ago, listening skills were thought to mean simply reflecting back what a person is saying.  This still holds true today.  In order to know we have been heard, we need to know that the other person actually picked up on the content of our conversation.  Reflecting or mirroring back to your partner what they are saying is a great first step in truly listening to them.
However, good listening requires a bit more than that.

The second part of good listening is validating.  What this means is that it is important to tell the other person that what they are saying makes sense.  For example, you may say, "That makes sense because ....." or, "What you said makes sense because .... ".   This doesn't mean you agree with them, but it means you are able to see things from their perspective.  True listening is not about arguing, agreeing, changing your mind, or giving up your own views.  But, it does require being able to see things from your partner's point of view.  

Thirdly, listening requires empathizing.  This is about the emotional element of what the sharer is telling you.  Empathizing means you try to imagine how they might be feeling.  While validation is kind of like cognitive empathy, the kind of empathy we talk about in the third part is an emotional kind.  You might say something like "I imagine you might be feeling ....." or "I bet you felt ..., Is that what you were feeling?" 

When I work with couples on communication it is very cool to see how successful listening is received by both parties.  Often couples will say that it felt good and that it was nice to communicate in such a way. 

This kind of listening requires practice and work.  It isn't just automatic and it will feel awkward at first for most couples.  It is very powerful though and makes a big difference in feeling connected to our partners.]]>Mon, 03 Nov 2025 21:49:05 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/adhd-in-marriage-and-relationshipsI often work with couples in which one partner has ADHD or is likely to have it. A common challenge they face is not fully understanding how differently their minds work. Each partner tends to assume the other thinks and processes the world the same way, which can quickly lead to frustration as small issues escalate into major conflicts. Once the honeymoon phase fades and the realities of daily life set in, routine responsibilities often become a source of stress, since each person approaches them differently. Without insight into what’s actually happening for their partner, it’s easy for misunderstandings to arise, leaving each to view the other as lazy, disorganized, disinterested, or worse.  

One way that couples counselling can help these couples out, especially when the counsellor understands ADHD, is in teaching them how their partner operates, that their partner isn't being mean or intentionally frustrating, and ways to work with each other towards common goals.

It is hard for some people to consider or accept the idea that they have ADHD. It isn't necessary to accept the label or to take it on, though.  Yet, it might give a starting point for couples to address underlying reasons for their disconnection.  There is a way to get reconnected and back on the same page!  It might just look different than what you envisioned. 

If you'd like to explore this further, learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.
]]>Mon, 20 Oct 2025 20:35:24 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/couples-need-time-togetherI know we are all busy and life can feel like a rat race, However, couples need to spend quality time together to nurture and grow their relationship. Sharing experiences, meaningful conversations, and simple moments of connection help partners deepen their understanding of one another and strengthen emotional bonds. Prioritizing time together is essential for building trust, fostering intimacy, and enjoying the journey of growth as a couple.

In my practice I see many couples running out of time and not spending time with each other.  Even simple practices like eating together, going for walks, or catching up with each other daily can sometimes be missing.  There seems to be a very strong connection between healthy relationships and built in connecting opportunities.  How is your relationship doing? 

This post is meant as an encouragement to effort-fully connect with your partner.  Find some time, or better yet, incorporate what psychologists call 'rituals of connection', routine behaviours and activities that include connection.  Example include greeting each other or saying goodbye each time someone comes or goes, eating together, having coffee breaks together, cooking together, cleaning together, date nights on specific evenings, watching a show on a particular night, or checking in at night before sleep.
]]>Wed, 24 Sep 2025 22:12:32 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/ai-and-your-relationshipAI is increasingly finding its way in our homes, lives, work, and  even relationships.  AI dating apps are becoming more and more popular.  Do you ever find yourself having conversations with AI, like ChatGPT?  Is that starting to feel like a relationship?  How is this impacting your marriage?  A lot of interesting questions and discussion arise; maybe it's time to start the conversation about AI with your spouse.  Don't loose each other to AI!  If you feel likes it's starting to infringe on your relationship, consider counselling.   Marriage counselling can provide the space, time, and place to have these discussions.  Feel like your loosing your spouse to AI?  You are not alone.  This is becoming a reality, one that needs attention.  

If you'd like to explore this further, learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.
]]>Sat, 06 Sep 2025 20:26:44 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/investing-into-your-relationshipA healthy, thriving relationship doesn’t just happen on its own—it takes consistent effort, care, and intentional investment. Just like a garden, love needs to be watered, nurtured, and tended to in order to grow strong and lasting.

Why Relationships Need Investment

When two people first come together, attraction and excitement give plenty of energy to the bond. But over time, the novelty fades, and what keeps the connection alive is the choice to actively invest in one another. Without attention, even the strongest bond can weaken. Investment means both people contributing time, effort, and care to build trust, intimacy, and understanding.

Ways to Invest in Your Relationship

• Prioritize time together: Shared moments create closeness. Whether it’s a daily check-in, a weekly date, or meaningful conversations, consistent time reinforces your partnership.
• Communicate openly: Honest and respectful communication helps resolve conflicts before they grow and strengthens mutual understanding.
• Show appreciation: Small acts of gratitude, kind words, and thoughtful gestures help your partner feel valued and loved.
• Grow together: Support each other’s goals and encourage personal growth. A relationship flourishes when both partners feel empowered as individuals and as a team.
• Weather challenges as one: Every couple faces difficulties, but facing them side by side strengthens your bond rather than divides it.

The Reward of Consistent Care

Just as a neglected garden withers, relationships that lack attention can stagnate. But when both partners are committed to nurturing their love, it deepens over time, evolving into a bond built on trust, love, and resilience. The most rewarding relationships are the ones where both people show up daily with intention.
In the end, love is less about grand gestures and more about steady, everyday acts of care. When you invest in your relationship, you’re not only growing closer—you’re building something that can withstand the tests of time.

Couples counselling is one way to invest in your relationship; learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.

]]>Tue, 29 Jul 2025 20:20:52 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/value-of-counsellingSometimes people reach out and have a problem with the cost of counselling.  Hopefully you have benefits that help with the cost, but even if you don't, consider the following.

Research shows that marriage therapy is highly effective, with about 70% of couples experiencing meaningful improvements(1) and 90% reporting better emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction(2). Our therapy sessions focus on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening bonds, supporting not just your relationship but your overall mental and physical health. In terms of Emotion Focused Therapy, which Edwin makes use of, 90% of couples report a significant improvement in relationship(3). 

Remember, improvement in your relationship (or yourself) will effect your life as a whole, including your finances.  So, before you turn down therapy or counselling due to its cost, imagine how much it costs to not address the relationship or individual issues you are currently dealing with. What is the price tag on that?

Choose Blue Leaf Counselling to invest in a stronger, healthier future for you and your family. Because every relationship deserves care that lasts.

1.https://drrebeccajorgensen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lebow-et-al-review-of-couple-research-2012.pdf 
2.https://www.wellmarriagecenter.com/what-percentage-of-marriages-survive-after-counseling/
3.https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mindful-relationships/202101/the-most-effective-couples-therapy-by-far
]]>Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:13:10 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/religious-traumaSomething that has been on my mind recently is the problem of religious abuse.  Religious trauma can have lasting effects on mental health, often resulting from experiences within controlling or manipulative religious environments. Common symptoms may include feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety, and a compromised sense of self-worth. It can instill in you a fear of being found out and of not being good enough (for others or for God).
Counselling can be a powerful tool for healing from religious trauma. Here's how it helps:

• Safe Space: Provides a non-judgmental environment to express emotions and experiences.
  
• Validation: Acknowledges the trauma, which is crucial for healing.
  
• Rebuilding Self: Helps develop self-compassion and a positive self-image.
  
• Coping Strategies: Teaches new ways to manage triggers and emotions.
  

Working with a psychologist experienced in religious trauma can empower individuals to reclaim their lives, develop their own values, and cultivate a renewed sense of purpose.

]]>Mon, 06 Nov 2023 20:59:23 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/mindfulness-what-it-is-and-how-to-practice-itMindfulness exercises are immensely valuable for promoting mental well-being and emotional stability. These practices involve cultivating a heightened awareness of the present moment, basically allowing yourself to fully engage with your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. One of the key benefits of mindfulness exercises is stress reduction. By focusing on the present, you can alleviate anxiety about the future or regrets about the past. Regular mindfulness practice also enhances emotional regulation, helping you respond thoughtfully to challenging situations rather than reacting impulsively. Additionally, mindfulness exercises have been linked to improved concentration and enhanced cognitive flexibility, which can boost overall productivity and problem-solving abilities.
 A few mindfulness activities:
1. Deep breathing, where one focuses on the inhalation and exhalation.
2. Body scan meditation involves systematically observing and relaxing each part of the body. This is great for reducing tension.
3. Mindful walking encourages paying attention to the sensations of each step, fostering a sense of grounding.
4. Naming 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, and 1 think you taste. To enhance the experience, repeat it and focus more completely on each sense.
]]>Wed, 25 Oct 2023 16:46:58 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/its-cold-and-getting-dark-mood-and-sadWhen winter arrives and the days become shorter and colder, it can affect our mood,  a condition referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. To take care of ourselves during this time, it is crucial to focus on activities that make us happy and relaxed. This could mean spending time doing things we love, like reading, drawing, or baking, as well as spending quality time with friends and family. Exercise, even a short walk, can boost our mood by releasing feel-good chemicals in our brains. Taking care of our bodies by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and drinking water is also really important. By paying attention to both our physical and mental well-being, we can better cope with the challenges that winter might bring and ensure we stay happy and healthy.
]]>Sat, 05 Aug 2023 16:27:46 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/loss-and-restoration-during-grief-and-lossGrief and loss are emotions that everyone encounters at some point. When individuals experience the absence of something significant, such as a loved one, or even a prized possession, they undergo a dual-phase process characterized by the spheres of loss and restoration. These spheres provide insight into the emotional journey taken during times of mourning.

In the sphere of loss, people grapple with intense emotions. This realm is marked by feelings of sorrow, emptiness, and yearning. During this phase, individuals often devote more time to contemplating their loss and experiencing the ache of that void. This phase is a vital part of the overall healing process.

Over time, a gradual shift occurs toward the sphere of restoration. In this sphere, individuals begin to explore ways of coping with their grief. They might engage in activities that bring solace, strengthen their connections with friends and family, or establish new routines. This doesn't mean they're forgetting their loss; rather, they're working on integrating memories and emotions into their forward journey.

The path to healing is seldom linear. People frequently move back and forth between these two spheres. Occasionally, a memory or a significant date might temporarily transport them back to the sphere of loss, and that's perfectly natural. What's important is granting oneself permission to experience these emotions and eventually transitioning back to the sphere of restoration.

Grief emphasizes the reality that healing requires time and patience. By recognizing and acknowledging both the sphere of loss and the sphere of restoration, individuals can navigate their grief journey with an improved understanding of their emotions and the complexities of the healing process.
]]>Wed, 04 Jan 2023 19:48:45 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/existential-angst-part-12-wrap-upThe past 11 posts have summarized Existential Angst and the way that we tend to deal with it.  Hopefully it gave you some food for thought and possibly gave you ideas to deal with your anxiety in a more productive manner.  To a large extent, acceptance and adaptation are key elements to dealing with anxiety.  Creating meaning for yourself is another way to make life productive and purposeful. 

I hope to organize these posts in the resource section of the website over the next months.
]]>Wed, 04 Jan 2023 19:47:34 GMThttps://www.blueleafcounselling.ca/resources/existential-angst-part-11-responding-to-existential-angst-5-searchingExistential Angst: Part 11- Responding to Existential Angst- 5. Searching
Searching- Some of us are seekers.  That is what we do.  We are always looking for an explanation, seeking an answer, trying to learn, or working on growth. Seeking in and of itself is a way of dealing with existential problems.  Really get into it. Lean into it. Feel it.  Scour the earth for an answer, a method, a solution.  This approach includes talking about your anxiety, discussion with others, reading books, trying new methods of being, experimenting with new ideas, writing out your thoughts, creating theories, etc.
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