Assertiveness: a better way to communicate.

Here is a simple acronym you can remember when you need to communicate clearly and honestly with someone without accusing, blaming, or getting angry.  The acronym is D.E.S.C.

D. Describe the situation.
E. Express how you feel.
S. Specify what you want.
C. State the positive consequences that will result if you get what you want.

For example, imagine you neighbour's dog is constantly digging up your flowers, your getting sick and tired of it, and all you want to do is yell at your neighbour or do mean things to the dog.  Instead, using the D.E.S.C. acronym you can go to your neighbour and say the following:

D. (describe the situation) I noticed that your dog has been digging up my flower bed for quite some time.
E.  (express how you feel) I spent a lot of time making my yard look nice and it upsets me that my creation is being destroyed.
S. (specify what you want) I would like it if you could keep your dog out of my yard when you let him out.
C. (consequences of that happening) That way I will get enjoyment out of my garden, I won't feel frustrated with you, and we will get along better.

Notice how that in communicating this way you are not blaming or pointing fingers.  You own your feelings and what you want and do not end up doing nasty things or getting angry.  Will you always get what you want by communicating this way? No. But it is more effective and self-respective than loosing your cool or being passive aggressive (e.g. making underhanded comments to your neighbour hoping he will get the message).
Source: Adapted from Positive Coping Skills Toolbox
VA Mental Illness Research, Education, and Clinical Centers (MIRECC)

Download a D.E.S.C. sheet below!

DESC Script
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File Type:	pdf

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