Sex, ADHD, and Marriage

A few ideas top of mind regarding ADHD in couples.

In couples where one partner has ADHD, one of the most commonly reported reasons for a low frequency of sexual intimacy is lack of time. This is closely linked to the ADHD brain’s challenges with time management and what is often called “time blindness.”  By the time you are slowing down and settling down for the envening it's too late to initiate intimacy.

The good news is that improving time management and planning can lead to significant improvements in a couple’s sexual satisfaction. Research shows that a combination of ADHD medication and better organizational systems can greatly enhance sexual happiness. Importantly, these improvements often arise from stronger overall relationship satisfaction—when the relationship improves, sexual satisfaction usually follows. 

Effort is a key factor in the success of ADHD relationships. Not only does putting in effort lead to positive changes, but observing effort in one’s partner also increases acceptance and appreciation. This principle applies to both partners in the relationship.  For example, the ADHD partner may increase effort in using planners/timers/calendars in order to contribute meaningfully to the household tasks.  The other partner shows effort by allowing thier partner to take on tasks without then also complaining about how those tasks are done. 

Two truths:
1. You can't expect someone else to do a task AND expect them to do it your way.  
2. You can't expect the other person to do most of the work and then not complain about doing most of the work.

Which statement is applicable  to you?

If you'd like to explore this further, learn about couples counselling at Blue Leaf.